this is a really difficult memory…I spent alot of time on the panels and their flow and cadence to try to get across the complicated emotions I had that day…
this is a really difficult memory…I spent alot of time on the panels and their flow and cadence to try to get across the complicated emotions I had that day…
Ross
It must have been a very difficult and vulnerable time, and it does come through in the art. When you needed her most, your mother should have only been concerned with what you were going through.
rude.rumps@protonmail.com
thank you for your kind words 🙂 yeah it was a very hard thing for me to go through…and I really could have used her support…but sadly she just couldn’t see my perspective…which was how it was too often with our relationship 🙁
Joanne
I totally get you drove back. It didn’t seem like your mum was able to hear you. Which is kind of bizarre, considering that homosexuality is just as grave a sin as divorce from a Catholic point of view. But so, apparently, is eating ding-dongs or what they were called, so what do I know
Bramblewine
And the church even has a loophole for divorce: you can apply for an annulment, which would probably be granted in a case like this. Then, as far as they’re concerned, you were never married in the first place, even if the state says you were and even if you’re legally divorced. If you were never married, you’re not really divorced, so no sin. (Or at least not that sin.)
rude.rumps@protonmail.com
yeah there are definitely ways to end marriages even for Catholics…she was just being really rigid about it and not willing to think about it from my perspective at all…
rude.rumps@protonmail.com
yeah she had very rigid ideas sometimes… what she said about David’s homosexuality was even weirder…that it was somehow my fault and I could ‘bring him back’ to being straight if I tried harder…I think there are good things about Catholicism but in her case it was more a set of rules that she had to impose on everybody…
Joanne
Jesus Christ! I have only heard this idea in the plot of “Saved!” and thought of it as a comic exaggeration of Christian fundamentalist ideas, I wouldn’t have thought someone would honestly SUGGEST that.
Just in case there is still a little mum voice in your head, repeating that thought:
No, you couldn’t have, obviously.
And as for “should I have known?”… we are watching this story unfold from your perspective and, of course, you gave us some hints. But either way you were young and in love and it neither is nor was your responsibility to make his decisions. And he DID choose you, at least it looked like it.
So, again, stating the obvious:
This is not your fault.
Bramblewine
There are whole evangelical cults saying pretty much the same thing these days. Women, it’s your fault if your man isn’t manly enough, you’re not feminine enough! Try harder! Gay? Pray the gay away! (No, that stuff in Saved! isn’t an exaggeration. The only part I really find unbelievable about that movie is how she hides her pregnancy for a whole school year, and even that parallels real cases.)
I can believe David was trying to make himself straight in that relationship with you. Not fully on board with his own orientation, even if he had dated guys. Even if he wasn’t religious, there’s no way he didn’t have internalized homophobia.
Bramblewine
Beautiful artwork!
I see the theme: birds appear when it’s a pivotal relationship point, a hawk is flying overhead when it’s a breakup, and the color scheme in the scenery is the same. Conscious choice, or coincidence?
rude.rumps@protonmail.com
Thank you for your kind words 🙂 I have very vivid memories of walking around the hills near my childhood house…there was a kind of glow with the afternoon sun that always gave me this aching feeling in my chest because it was so beautiful…I always seemed to be drawn back there at these transition points in my life…and yes the birds represent kind of guides to other realms…helping me to go to new places in my life…
Andrew Robinson
While I don’t know about getting into a bad marriage, I most definitely understand a parent more concerned with appearances than what’s best for their child! I was diagnosed with autism as a child, but my dad refused any therapy/treatment. He wasn’t about to have his friends and neighbors know his son was a retard (as he so colorfully put it). I’m glad you had the strength to stand up to her!
Michael Driston
I’m sorry this happened to you, and sorry your mom cared more about appearances than the emotional health of her child. I had a very similar mother, though mine wasn’t my real mother, it was my stepmother. She was hyper religious, with pretty much none of it expressed in empathy or love. When I got older, and studied the Bible myself, I called her on her cruelty and chastised her with verses like I Corinthians 13, where it says: “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” She had no answer for that, except (for the first time I’d ever seen it) a palpable sense of shame, which was very appropriate. She never changed, but at least she acknowledged that God was not pleased with her anger and lousy treatment of her fellow human beings. There are a-holes, extremists and whackos in every corner, whether it’s religion, atheism or any other “ism”. Sadly, it’s the jerks that usually get all the attention and the publicity, while decent, kind people are rarely exalted. I’m glad you had what appears to have been a loving father. I know he wasn’t perfect, and you are right… he had no business making excuses for her, but it seems like he loved his little girl very much. For what is supposed to be a somewhat kinky autobiography, you often make me forget that’s even a factor because the story is so poignant and touching. You’re a real storyteller, Rude, and a fine one at that.